


Memory Lane

by Shizaiya



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Headlessness, I'm ready to crash and burn with the rest of my life, Probably a lot of incorrect information too, Shinra being a dick, Shitty writing too, Unbeta'd, World War 2 mentions, kinda??, lots of mistakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 09:03:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7354621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shizaiya/pseuds/Shizaiya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kishitani Shinra's born about a generation or two earlier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memory Lane

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the Drrr Rarepair Month even that I'm tragically late for and contains WW2 mentions and settings, but it's nothing graphic. I tried to have accurate information, but I got really sad reading about it so there might be mistakes, sorry OTL This is also unbeta'd so there's a lot of mistakes. I'll fix them later, I'm new to this, rip me. I might change the summary too.

“Ne, Celty. How much time do you think I have left?” Shinra rasps out softly, propped up against the headboard of the bed, in a room that was far too white for either of their likings. The curtains were drawn closed, hiding the glaring afternoon sun.

Sitting next to him, in a cushioned chair, was a woman wearing a skin tight bodysuit darker than the night sky. Her skin was soft and deathly pale, paler than even the man lying prone on the bed, and her fingers were nimble and elegant as she typed out her reply on her PDA. However, the response dragged on as she deleted and retyped once and then twice, over and over, until deciding to keep it simple.

[Shinra, don’t be morbid.] She shows him, blatantly ignoring the question that was asked. A laugh blossoms from the back of Shinra’s throat, a smile breaking through, wrinkling the corners of his eyes. It slowly begins to reside as he breathes out a content sigh.

“It was just question, my beloved. So wipe that sad expression off your face! You look so much more beautiful when you’re happy, ne?”

Her shoulders tense as she pockets the device and gently takes his hands into hers, cradling it. Slim fingers graze over the skin on the back, massaging them affectionately as she held them. Celty never understood how Shinra could tell how she felt, or what expression she was making on her ‘face’, when the space where her head should be was filled with black wispy shadows. Shinra always says it’s as clear as day when she asks, causing her to shake her neck in a sideways motion, shoulders sagging in resignation. She agrees that it’s clear as day, if the person was viewing the day during the night.

Tilting his head back to rest against the headboard, Shinra gazes happily at the love of his life. An ache begins to settle in his chest as he remembers his stance in this world, a mortal tied to a timer. His smile twitches at the reminder. Blinking once to clear his dwindling vision, Shinra slowly opens his mouth, his tone melancholic and light, whispering the statement he knew Celty would never want to hear.

“I estimate…not long.” He states, clear and concise, a bitter edge to the words, smile never leaving his lips though, “Maybe another couple of hours or so, tops.”

Celty curves her shoulders in, her neck bowing down towards the white linen covering Shinra’s legs as her body begins to tremble. She lets go of his hands to retrieve her PDA. Her typing faltered several times, her hands shaky and stiff. Shinra could tell that she was mad in the saddest way possible.

[Don’t be ridiculous! If this is your idea of an April fool’s joke, it’s terrible…] the screen displayed when she finally finished, taking it back after a couple of seconds to finish her thoughts, [You’ll be able to make it to tomorrow, right? If it’s too much to handle, we can cancel. I’m sure Shizuo and Izaya would understand.]

Shinra shook his head, his cheeks beginning to hurt from how much he was smiling right now at how tentative the second sentence was. Celty really is caring. He guesses that he’ll be able to at least complete this request for his beloved. As simple as it was, it would probably still take a toll on his body. But he’ll just go all the way out just for her, he supposes. It was the last one after all.

Looking up, he chuckles a bit, speaking evenly, “I think they’ll freak if you did that. Don’t worry, I’ll be able to take tomorrow. You’re right, I should be more optimistic, that’s how I usually am, isn’t it? The medication’s just probably messing with my head.”

He sees the way her shoulders relax, relief taking hold in the motions of her body, and his heart begins to pull again. His smile stays in place as he watches her sigh happily, laying her arms crisscross on the edge of the bed. He laughs a little at how worried she was, but his actions don’t match his thoughts on the inside. _‘I’m really sorry, Celty… Forgive me this one last time, ne?’_

It was just a feeling, but it was that type of feeling; the kind that gnaws and nags at him in his mind, in his body, in his heart. In his soul. You just naturally know when it’s time. The air around you seems to feel lighter, or maybe heavier? The sounds around you become white noise more often than not or isolate only a single sound. Parts of your body feel number and more alive than ever at the same time. Shinra thinks, yeah, that’s a pretty accurate description of how it feels like when you’re dying.

He wonders if perhaps he’s jinxing it, that he’s just imagining this all in his head, but when he begins to flex his fingers to try to feel them again, his vision blurs and a wave of dizziness and fatigue hit him. Trying to concentrate and clear his head, he can hear his heart monitor drop another beat, and that confirms his suspicions in the end. His heart was slowing down. He really isn’t going to live much longer.

He feels calm, the thought should have his adrenaline pumping, but he just feels calm. It’s the worst kind of distraught, because it means that he’s already accepted his fate.

Shinra feels a tap on his shoulder, looking down at Celty, he hums his acknowledgement. At successfully getting his attention, she shows him her message, [You there? You zoned out there for a minute… Are you sure you’re feeling good enough for tomorrow?]

“Celty, you’re such a worrywart,” he says, “I was just traveling down memory lane for a bit; remembering the good ol’ days. We’ve… We’ve been together for a really long time, huh?”

She agrees readily. [We have.]

“It’s boring to travel alone though, travel with me, Celty!” Shinra chirps at her. This would be a good refresher for him, he thinks. He’ll be able to bring to mind everything one last time before leaving. These memories are important after all, they’re his and Celty’s life.

“Remember when we first met?” He starts off.

 

**Decades Ago:**

The earliest memory Shinra can remember was when he was four. He remembers it crystal clear even though his brain was barely developed enough for memories. It was just one of those moments that you couldn’t forget. Sometimes he wonders if he just imagined it up, but thinking back, there was no way his toddler mind could conjure up such a scene.

It starts with his dad and him exiting a ferry on a port leading to the outskirts of Ireland. A heavy fog obscured everything so he doesn’t remember much of the scenery. His dad said they were out there looking for some sword that his sources said was located here. They eventually did find it. A stranger, a man, was wielding it against _her_.

A woman dressed in a flowing dress that was darker than the night sky stood there, holding a scythe that was twice the size of her pulled straight out of the shadows flowing out of the space where her head should be but isn’t. It looked like she was fighting against the other, the man with glowing red eyes.

He remembers he charged her right when she swung her scythe at him. He remembers the sword cutting through the scythe and then cutting through her. He remembers a head rolling from her other arm when her body fell to the ground. And lastly, how his dad intervened right when the man was about to slash the head on the other side of the small field, leaving Shinra stunned where he was.

Everything that happened next happened fast. His dad was in a scuffle with the man who was yelling incoherent ramblings about love and monsters and humans. The woman’s body was beginning to twitch again, her body shifting and coming back together, despite the slash being clearly fatal. Right as she begins to sit up, his dad pushes the man towards him on the other side, sword brandished ready to stab clean through him from the momentum and inertia. Shinra had closed tight as he saw the man come charging towards him now, bracing for the pain and the spray of blood. But it never came.

Hesitantly opening his eyes, he sees the man being pulled back with the force of the scythe slicing through him, but not cutting him, flinging his body back to the other side where Shinra’s dad was. She was standing only a few feet away from Shinra now and stared down at him, scythe held in her hand still ready to strike, but she didn’t move from her spot as they gazed at each other. Shinra remembers being terrified and amazed and grateful and about hundred other different emotions. Before he could say anything to her though, like maybe a thanks for saving his life or something, he suddenly sees his dad from the periphery of his vision picking up the sword from the still man on the floor.

The woman probably caught it too, as she quickly spun around, fear in her posture and panic in her movements, however it was too late. Shinra remembers his dad bringing the sword down onto a shadow that connected the head to the hole in her neck, and then she was falling to the floor like deadweight.

And that’s how it ends.

Shinra wonders if this is karma, or some weird twist of fate, that now he’s lying on the floor like deadweight. His body feels heavy and numb, and his neck feels like it got chopped off and then sewn back together. It hurts to blink. It’s insult to injury that the sun in the middle of the sky was glaring down at him.

His clothes are crusty and he’s currently lying in mud, or wet sand. Whatever it is, it’s wet and uncomfortable and feels like slush against his back. Shinra realizes that his mouth’s also dry and his stomach aches from hunger pains, so he wonders how long he’s been lying here. How did he even get here? Where was here?

His lips twitch at the amusing idea that he might have amnesia, but in accordance with whatever deity that was watching him now, his brain begins to throb and the memories come flushing back in.

A boat. He was on a boat during the night. He was with others, but he’s the only one now on this washed up beach or strip of land, the ocean waves sloshing against his already soaked through boots. He isn’t sure where he is sadly, just that he managed to get off that boat.

Twisting his neck to looks around, it turns out that it was a mixture of sand and mud that he was laying on, and that he’s washed up on some empty shore. Plenty of grass and trees were around, but no people in sight. Well at least no human shaped blobs. He isn’t surprised that his glasses got washed away when he was in the ocean. Luckily, he always kept an extra pair on the inside of his coat pocket. Donning those on, he slowly begins to get up. It hurts bad. But nothing feels broken or cracked at least.

Stumbling up to his feet, he begins to wobble to any place that has any semblance to a better shelter. The forest in the distance was probably the best bet considering the stamina he had left and how hot the sun was now beating against his back. He finds it ironic that he was probably passed out for a good eight hours, but still feels sluggish and tired.

It feels like literal hours before makes it to the cover of the forest. Quickly stepping in, he picks a tree at random to lay his against, his back sliding down against the trunk until he’s sitting down. Even though he walked for maybe only half a mile, he feels his body start to give out and his eyes begin to shut again. He’s falling asleep against his own will as his head lulls back and to the side on the tree bark.

His dreams drift back to his earliest memories. Shinra often wonders who that woman was. Afterwards his dad had taken the head, but right when he was about to lift up her body, a headless horse charged in and chased them off. He isn’t sure where that horse came from. He isn’t sure what his dad did with the head. He isn’t sure about a lot of things, but one thing he was certain of was that he loved her.

Weird, right? The woman has no head. Well, she does. Her head was very beautiful, red hair and exotic cerulean eyes, from what Shinra remembers. But that wasn’t what got Shinra infatuated with her. You could call it love at first sight, or maybe a response to her saving him, or maybe an attraction to the extraordinary. Whatever it is, he’s been in love with a person he basically never interacted with for twenty years.

What’s her name? What’s her personality like? Her hobbies? Her likes and dislikes? Does she even have any of those, for a being above humans, these traits seem insignificant almost. But Shinra can’t help wondering about the possibilities. Will he ever meet her again?

He was never religious before, but at this moment he was seriously considering it. It seemed that some deity up there in the heavens decided to pity him enough and give him their blessing. Upon opening his eyes again, blinking blearily into dark now, sun having set hours ago, Shinra was overcome with a bout of unrestrained joy.

Even with what appears to be a spike made from her shadows pointed at his neck, it was unmistakably the same woman that was in his dreams. He couldn’t have asked for a better reunion. This was as perfect as he had imagined.

“Hi!” He blurts out as tentatively as he can, but his excitement was bursting from its metaphorical pot. “ My name’s Shinra! What’s yours?”

She flinches but remains unmoving otherwise. Shinra can feel her judgment on him. He can see her pointed look and hear her undoubtedly tense voice, all from just her staying still. He wonders if reading body language was always a gift he had, or if this was another sign that they were destined for each other.

Undeterred by the silence, Shinra cautiously moves his right hand to the side, picking up a twig big enough to not snap if you used it as a writing device. “Here! You could use this to write what you want to say on the ground,” he suggests.

Shinra can tell she’s giving him an inquisitive look, one eyebrow probably arched higher than the other if she had a head. She gently takes the stick from his grip—their hands sadly didn’t touch—before angling it towards the ground next to her crouching body. She begins tracing words into the dirt.

 _Who are you?_ Is written clear into the ground, her hand moving elegantly, her fingers poised. He doesn’t acknowledge how she ignored his inquiry of her name, doesn’t mind it, the excitement of actually communicating was enough to set fire to his veins. The words were scripted in English as well, the realization that she might not understand Japanese crosses Shinra’s mind. He wasn’t fluent in English; he knew just enough to get by so he can communicate with foreigners, so swallowing the lump in his throat, he hopes he doesn’t make a fool of himself.

“Ah, I’m Shinra! Kishitani Shinra. It’s nice to meet you,” he says again in English, his accent probably thick and hard to comprehend. He can feel beads of sweat drip down the nape of his neck, his heart thumping so hard against his ribcage that it feels like it’ll collapse. Nervousness wracks his body, making his palms clammy and churning his stomach. “What’s your name?”

Shinra waits in anticipation, as she slowly turns to the side to write her answer. This was something that’s been bothering him for years, it killed him on the inside knowing that he didn’t know her name. It got him laughed at countless times for not even knowing the name of his love, but the blabbering of humans never mattered to him, never discouraged him, only she did. To say he wanted to know her name was an understatement. He’s been dying to know it.

_My name’s Celty Sturluson._

And Shinra can feel all the air in the lungs slip out as if he’s been punched at those words. His mind races a mile a minute with ‘ _Her name’s Celty. Her name’s Celty. Celty, Celty, Celty!_ ’ repeating itself over and over in an ecstatic mantra. It fits her so well, so perfect, and Shinra feels like he’s known her his whole life. He wants to embrace her, to lean forward and wrap his arms around his lithe body, but the ever looming threat of death was still pointed at him in the shape of a sharp shadow. So he’ll settle with something else that he wants, that he always wanted; to say her name.

“So…now that we’re acquainted, how about we just talk normally? Since we’re not strangers anymore, Celty…” He says it tentatively, testing it out on his tongue as he smiles wide. He lightly points to the spike wrapped around his neck. “Don’t worry, you can trust me, I don’t think I can possibly overcome you anyways, Celty.”

It feels good. It feels good to have finally said it. It feels even better to see Celty nod a bit hesitantly, as if realizing that her shadow was still wrapped around him, before retracting it. Shinra watches it return back to its wispy nature amazed. He begins to shift, to try to get into a better sitting position, one that didn’t have the bark stabbing into his backside, but stops upon seeing Celty flinch away, which was the last thing Shinra wanted. 

“No, it’s ok. Don’t be scared. See?” He puts forth his hands, bare and unarmed, nothing but a few scratches decorating them. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

 _What do you want?_ She writes, still hesitant but firm and Shinra wants to slap himself at his mistake. She wasn’t scared, how could she be? She can’t die. Celty was something more than mortal, something Shinra couldn’t even hope to compare to. To insinuate that such a being would be scared of someone like Shinra was probably insulting. Perhaps Shinra wasn’t that good at reading her, he did just meet her again after 20 years, but there’s still plenty of time to learn, Shinra wasn’t planning on leaving her ever again. 

“I just want to talk, that’s all. I’m sorry for saying that you’ll be scared by someone like me, but I really won’t do anything you don’t want me to. If I do, you can just kill me, ok? I won’t whine or complain,” Shinra says while smiling. If he does end up getting killed, as long as it’s by her, he won’t mind. He’ll be disappointed that it was this early, that he didn’t get to spend more time with Celty, but he wouldn’t mind. His heart is beating loudly in his chest again. He’ll have to wait before he can hug her, before he can hold her hand or do anything. As long as Celty’s by her side then Shinra will wait forever. 

Celty begins to move again, his shoulder jolting as if shocked by the statement. She sits still, surely contemplating the weirdness of this situation. She doesn’t have a heart, her blood does not flow through her body, but seeing Shinra, she can feel her shadows come out in abundance. She wonders if Shinra notices it too, if he does, he says nothing. He was weird, she decided, his words were comforting, but she gets the feeling that he doesn’t know how to interact with others properly.

 _I agree that it was slightly insulting to say that I’ll be scared of you, like I’m some wild animal that’s been cornered. So I accept your apology. However, why aren’t you scared of me? Why aren’t you running away? Aren’t you afraid that I could kill you even if you weren’t doing anything incriminating? I’m a monster after all._ Writing those words, Celty felt her shoulders sag a little at the thought. This was the first human that didn’t run away from her, screaming the words monster, it made her feel nauseous even though her organs no longer worked.

“Oh, I am! I’m scared shitless right now actually. The thought that you’ll kill me makes me wonder if I should feel happy that the last person I see is you or sad that I’ll never see you again. Either way, I would still never run away from you. You’re not a monster.” 

 _I have no head… You know that, right?_  

“Just because you have no head, doesn’t mean you’re a monster,” Shinra laughs, short puffs of air coming out of his mouth. His chest is heaving and he can see through the tears budding at the corners of her eyes that Celty’s confused. He calms down and smiles softly. “Monsters are supposed to be big and ugly, which you are not. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”

Celty’s blushing, her smoke coming out faster and more erratic, as she hastily tries to reply coherently. She fumbles her words and makes mistakes, has to erase the words in the dirt and start over multiple times, and Shinra can’t help but think that she’s adorable. _Just because I’m beautiful, doesn’t mean I’m not a monster! If I’m frightening, then I’m a monster, because that’s what monsters do, make others scared…_

“Celty… People are easily scared by the unknown. Anything they don’t understand scares them. So I can say without a doubt that you’re not a monster, because people get frightened even by angels,” Shinra says confidently. He chuckles when Celty goes into a blushing speechless state and waits patiently for her to compose herself.

 _What are you doing here?_ She asks after awhile, straightening herself. She smoothes out the wrinkles in her dress, sitting across from Shinra.

“Ah, well, I was on a boat and I ended up going overboard to get away from it. It was a real hassle. I’m surprised I even made it here to…uh, Ireland, right?” Shinra questions.

 _Yeah, this is Ireland._ Celty confirms before finishing what she was thinking. _Boat? Why did you want to get away from it? You could’ve drowned. Next time, don’t do something so reckless._

“Uwah! Celty, I’m so flattered that you care about my personal health!” Shinra dodges the question smoothly, but he actually is elated that she cares so much about him. “Don’t worry, I don’t there will be a next time.”

 _You just dodged my question!_ She accuses. _What were you doing jumping off a boat?_

Shinra sighs heavily. He guesses he didn’t dodge it as smoothly as he thought, but he should’ve known that Celty was perceptive. It fits her. “I don’t want to freak you out really. It’s kinda dark.”

_I’m headless._

“Ok, ok, good point. But still, your fair maiden heart should be spared!” Shinra declares, flinging his arms into the air and doing some dramatic hand motions that Celty wasn’t quite sure what it was supposed to represent. However, what caught her eye instead was the way the white lab coat slipped off his right shoulder just a tad bit, revealing more of the green outfit he wore underneath. She noticed the strange clothes a long time ago, but it slipped her mind until now.

 _I don’t have a heart. What are you wearing?_ She decides to be curt.

“Of course you do, Celty! You’re so kind and caring, I can tell,” Shinra once again dodges the question, even though he shrugs to inch the lab coat back onto his shoulder. It was really starting to tick Celty off, the way he just avoided her inquiries. “Anyways—”

But before Shinra could change the subject, he finds his sentence cut off with a very threatening sharp spike pointing at his neck again. _Just answer my questions. If you don’t…I’ll kill you, you wouldn’t want that, right?_ Celty wasn’t actually going to kill him, but a little intimidation could go a long way.

His lips curve upwards at the side, his smile soft but melancholic. He gives a resigned sigh as if he knew this would happen but still wanted to prolong the inevitable. “It’s an army uniform. The boat I was on was a British prison ship. My binds were loose or weren’t done properly, so I managed to slip away and jump overboard before we reached out destination. I guess the currents took me to Ireland.”

Shinra says this quietly, watches as the confusion takes over her face, or at least her body, in the way that Celty slightly tilts to the side as if in contemplation before jolting as his words finally sunk in. _Army uniform? Prison ship!? Are you an escaped convict?!_

Shinra laughs and he feels Celty stiffen as if she wasn’t being taken seriously. But he, despite the atmosphere they were just in, finds it hilarious how she cared about such things. It was like she was human, or trying to be. He stops upon feeling the spike slightly prick his shoulder.

_Stop laughing! I could still kill you, you know…if you don’t take me seriously!_

“Haha, ok, ok, I’ll stop!” Shinra relents, smiling at her attempts to be intimidating. Actually to anyone other than him, she almost certainly was. Shinra takes a huge breath of air, closes his eyes, and sighs heavily, tilting his head back to rest against the bark of the tree. “But considering how you reacted to me being an escaped convict, I highly doubt you’ll be able to kill me… I’ve probably killed more people than you actually. I am a prisoner of war for a reason after all.”

Celty seems disturbed by this revelation, Shinra notes sadly, being serious really wasn’t his strong suit. She lets the spike morph back into a fluttering shadow away from Shinra’s neck before sitting their quietly, almost in shock. _You’ve killed people before?_

“Ah, never intentionally. But that’s because I’m not one of those soldiers on the field,” Shinra gestures to his white lab coat, “I’m with the infirmary stationed in one of the camps. Sometimes you just can’t save all the wounded. Our base was raided in an ambush, so that’s how I ended up on the ship. Though considering what my country is doing in the war, I might as well be a war criminal.”

Oh! So you’re like a doctor, that makes sense; I don’t know much about war, but if you’re helping your side, I don’t think that makes you a criminal.

“It’s ok, I don’t expect you to know much. Ireland declared neutrality in any case so I doubt the citizens, or much less you, know what’s going on. If you did, I think you’ll reconsider your stance on whether I was a criminal or not,” Shinra says delicately. He sometimes feels like he’s the only one to have this opinion though. He never really cared about humans, they never really interested him, but he still realizes what they’re doing is inhumane even if no one else shares this view. It always feels like he was been born in the wrong era.

Celty must’ve noticed the empty expression on Shinra’s face, because she gently puts her hand on his shoulder, rubbing soft circles into the fabric covering his skin. Shinra can feel his heart begin to pound again at the touch, his eyes snapping over to Celty writing something into the dirt again, most likely trying in her own way to comfort him.

_Not being able to save them is different than killing them… So if it makes you feel better, I’ve killed more people than you… You probably don’t know this, but it’s because I’m a Dullahan…_

Shinra actually does know. After he went back to Japan when he was four, and also after he learned enough kanji to be able to read by himself, he studied relentlessly to find out who or what Celty was, finally finding his sought for answers in an Irish folklore book. So as of current, he has the whole book memorized, but he let’s her continue, happy in her attempt to comfort him.

 _It’s like an Irish grim reaper in simpler terms, so I’ve killed many people when their time came._ She states clearly, ready for the other to freak out at the mention of her being a grim reaper. She isn’t sure why, Shinra didn’t seem scared even though she was headless, therefore she shouldn’t have been surprised at the other calm, almost expectant expression, as if he already knew this.

“So you’re a reaper, oh god. Did you approach me because it’s my time to die? I know the water was kinda chilly, but I don’t think I show any symptoms of hyperthermia or pneumonia,” Shinra teases lightheartedly, though secretly curious as to why Celty had approached him. As much as he likes to believe this was the work of fate or destiny, he highly doubts that his luck was that great, or that the heavens above cherished him that much.

_Oh, no, I don’t think it’s your time yet. I should’ve been clearer. Even though I am still a Dullahan, I’m not in the reaping business anymore, if that makes sense._

“That’s a relief, but why’s that?”

_About two decades ago, I lost my head. Dullahans usually carry their heads in their arms, and it wasn’t until I lost mine that I realized that my body and head had different minds or consciousness. However, my head contained all my memories about my past and what I do and why and when I do it, I guess. The only things I know are my name and how to use my abilities, nothing else._

“That’s…fascinating,” he quirks an eyebrow up, “So why did you approach me then if I wasn’t going to die?” Shinra asks again, voice confused and slightly awestruck. Never in all the books he’s ever found and read did it mention the outcome of a dullahan losing its head. To know that they get amnesia is very informative. There was no way Celty would remember him from all those years back now.

_I saw you get washed up on shore. I thought it was peculiar but ignored you at first, thinking you were just one of the locals. It was when you started making your way over to the forest did I realize you weren’t. All the villagers nearby know that I reside in this forest so they all stay as far away as possible from it. I was about to approach you, but you fell asleep as soon as you sat down, so I waited for you to wake. I thought you didn’t look like the people here; it makes sense now that you’ve said you aren’t from here… Actually I’ve never seen anyone like you before, where exactly are you from?_

The thought that Celty saw his sleeping face and didn’t forcibly wake him up makes his heart beat faster in his chest, his blood boiling underneath his skin and in his veins. “I’m from Japan. You’ve probably never heard of it.”

_The country that you said was bad?_

“Yep! That one in the east,” Shinra chirps out, nodding his head in tandem. He notices the way Celty perks up though at the word east. He stills his head as he watches she start to jitter with energy all of a sudden.

 _Wait, east? You mean over there??_ She points a delicate finger in a random direction Shinra can only assume is east. He nods his head hesitantly anyways, wondering where this was going, as a sinking feeling developed in the bottom of his gut.

 _That’s great!_ She writes excitedly, her words loopy and big and bold and happy. She looked so elated, but all Shinra felt was his stomach beginning to churn.

“Really? How?” He questions, dreading the answer but curiosity killed the cat.

 _Well, I’ve been trying to find my head ever since I’ve lost it and I can feel its presence coming from the east. If I get my head back, that means I might get my memories back too!_ She explains, her body shining with new found joy.

Shinra swallows the lump in his throat, his stomach twisting up a sweat that he can feel starting to collect that the top of his forehead. The idea of her getting her head back isn’t bad, it was the idea that she’ll get her memories back that are. If Celty remembered _everything_ then she’ll leave him. He was responsible for the loss of her head in the first place, after all. 

 _Since…_ Celty starts again, shy and timid, but tone filled with so much hope that Shinra knew, before she even finished her sentence, that he just couldn’t bear to crush it. _Since you’re from Japan, could you, maybe, please take me there? I’ve been trying to get out of Ireland for about 20 years now, but there are no ports around here so boats don’t come to this side of the island and…other reasons too._

Shinra could feel his heart clench at that request. But Shinra was in no hurry for her to get her head back or to go back to Japan. “Ah, Celty, I’m afraid we can’t go to Japan…” Seeing her sudden deflation and her shoulders sagging in dejection, he quickly continued, “At least not now! You see, the government’s, uh, not really allowing foreigners in right now. They could be, uhm, spies since, you know, Japan’s at war with others? So you’ll be in danger! We can go after the war is over and everything’s calmed down enough for me to sneak you in, ok?”

Celty makes a nodding motion, seeming to be content and eager with that explanation. The reason was true though, Shinra’s pretty sure bringing Celty over there now would be a disaster in of itself, but he sugarcoated the horrors, not knowing how Celty will react to him coming from there. With the subject returning to a much lighter topic, they talked the night away, with soft laughter and bright smiles.

The next day, Celty introduces Shinra to where she lived deep within the forest; a house made entirely out of her shadows and a headless horse to match. The horse had seemed shocked and restless to see Shinra, as if angry, and Celty had to rein them in. Shinra gulps, realizing that it was the same horse that had stopped his dad and him 20 years ago. Seems like Shooter, as Celty so cutely had named, still remembered him. She says he could stay with her as long as he needs if he promises to take her to Japan once the war ends. Shinra agrees obviously, but he had soon figured out that Celty didn’t need any necessities like food and water to survive, since she had no head. Unfortunately Shinra did. They established a routine of him going into the town—a place Celty was forbidden from entering, lest the townsfolk riot and hunt her down—and getting food for himself, and getting her interesting tidbits of news. For a mystical being, she sure loved gossip, and Shinra found her perfect.

They end up living like this for about a year, this weekly routine setting in with the homey atmosphere. It became habitual and they were starting to enjoy each other’s company more and more. Celty had given him clothes made out her shadows the first couple of weeks before he managed to get a job as an underground doctor—it didn’t really pay well, Ireland was a relatively quiet place, and no one really trusted this sudden new doctor to treat them, but there really was no other job Shinra could’ve gotten—and actually make money to buy his own to ward off the villager’s suspicions; wearing all black did that, but Shinra thinks they’re still suspicious even now, giving him wary looks and narrowed eyes, but no one’s actually approached him yet. He thinks he could kill them if they do, he has training for it, or he’s been trained to know how. He thought about doing it sometimes, to maybe get some extra cash and buy Celty some jewelry, but reconsidered knowing that Celty would think badly of him if she found out.

He was happy just the way they were, living together, almost as if they were married, even though they slept in separate beds.

And so 1944 passes onto 1945, and the end of the war eventually came to be. And Celty found out about it. Shinra had been giving her news, but of course he’s been excluding the bits about the war. She asks about it sometimes, but he always manages to either dodge the question, change the subject, or say a white lie about it. She doesn’t need to know the details.

It was fall, almost turning into winter, when she found out. Some locals had been talking about it, near the forest, while Shinra was out in the town square. When he returns, he sees Celty waiting for him, silent on the chair she sat. Shinra instantly knew what she is going to say, but does his best to pretend that he doesn’t.

Shinra says his pleasantries and starts to unpack the things he bought from the town into the cabinets. Celty didn’t respond and the silence dragged on until she finally decided to break it.

 _You lied to me._ She accuses, writing the words bold on a parchment paper.

He says nothing. He knows she has more to say.

_You said you’ll take me to Japan once the war was over. And it ended a couple of months ago! It’s the end of November now._

“Japan’s still not safe,” Shinra explains. _‘Your head is there,’_ he wants to say; the thought stays in his mind though. But he does not deny lying.

 _How it is unsafe still?!_ She’s angry, he can tell. She’s sitting down still, but the speed of his fingers and the quickness of her responses make it obvious.

“The government and economy are in distress. It’s dangerous for people to enter Japan.”

_The war’s over, and it’s been a couple of months already. Aren’t things calm now? What’s wrong this time? What, is there something else you’re keeping from me?_

“Nagasaki and Hiroshima have been bombed,” Shinra states a bit loudly than necessary, the atmosphere tense and heavy. He sees Celty stand up, shocked. He doesn’t think she knows what the implications of what he just said means. Celty’s isolated from the outside world and its technology, but everything is silent with how stressed his voice sounds. “The cities are completely destroyed. Radiation poisoning is still possible. I know you can’t die, but I don’t want to see you in pain either. The war ended, Japan lost, yes, I know, and I’m sorry for lying to you… But I don’t want you to see my country like this. It’s not that I feel anger for the U.S. It’s not that I think Japan deserved this. This was just another outcome of war, but I don’t want you to see all the dead bodies.”

She’s standing still and she seems depleted of her anger. Celty angles her hand and grabs her other hand’s arm, twisting it as if she’s ashamed of her anger getting the better of her. _I didn’t mean it like that._ _I… I overreacted. I just really wanted to get my head back that I completely overlooked how you must’ve felt. I’m sorry…_

She’s wrong, Shinra muses. He’s not necessarily sad about what happened; he doesn’t really care. He’s terrible like that, the worst kind of human being possible. He feels his heart constrict, his ribs suffocating it almost, the natural feeling to realizing that he should care about his own people, his own country, but he just doesn’t. Celty was the only thing that really mattered to him. It’s ironic that he’s a doctor who’s infatuated with an angel of death. Actually, no, it’s not ironic. It’s fate.

“It’s ok, Celty, you have nothing to be sorry about. I did lie to you.” Shinra knows he has to make sure that she never leaves him, but he also has to make sure that Celty doesn’t hate him for being a terrible person. She deserves someone suitable for her. “Here, I’ll gather enough money by next spring, the season of new beginnings, and then we can travel to Japan by then, ok?”

She nods slowly and makes her way to her room. They don’t talk for the rest of the night and their relationship becomes slightly rocky for the next week or so. But eventually things settle back down and the routine sets back in. Celty starts talking to him again and Shinra is glad to talk to her anytime. The chill from the winter causes Shinra to try to hug Celty more, the excuse of sharing body warmth on the tip of his tongue every time, and sometimes she lets him and they sit contently against each other on a single bed. She’s actually stone cold though, her body has no warmth. Shinra wonders if this is how death would feel like, smooth and comforting, like her.

He saves up his money, just enough for him to buy two tickets for a one way trip to Japan via boat. The ticket seller had looked at him funny, and had he said something, Shinra would’ve just lied anyways. They were all packed up already, one suitcase enough for all of their possessions. The only problem now was how to get Shooter onto the boat. Celty could just wear a hood or a shawl and veil to cover up that she was headless. She had said that she didn’t want to leave her horse behind and was afraid to make him disappear, had told him that Shooter could take the form of another vehicle, but he’ll have to absorb said vehicle first. He didn’t have enough money to even buy a bicycle, so he ends up stealing a motorcycle and claiming he bought it.

So sure enough, when they board the ship, Shooter looked exactly like a motorcycle, and Celty was dressed in an extravagant gown that showed off her beauty and mysterious appeal. It’s a shame that she can leave her room, and Shinra’s the only one who could go out. He ends spending all his time with Celty though, minus the minutes he exits the room for food.

They make it to Japan safely and buy a decent sized apartment in Ikebukuro, Tokyo. Shinra’s reappearance causes a lot of questions; his status on his official record was MIA. He concocts a huge lie though, that he was captured and because he was a doctor, the British kept him hostage to take care of their wounded lest he be killed. He ends it with him supposedly escaping and making enough money to blend in and then eventually make it back to Japan. So he was able to get the apartment registered under his name with little suspicion. In fact, he was congratulated for being so brave, and it was more suspicious that no one gave his story a second thought. He thinks his dad had something to do with that, he was elated to see his son back though.

Shinra’s always on edge though, the economy of Japan is slowly getting better little by little, and the underground business even starts to bounce back again. Celty takes up a job as a transporter in order to not be a burden, and Shinra continues being an underground doctor. She adjusts to life in Ikebukuro and even manages to learn Japanese. She searches for her head almost every day while she works, interacting with a variety of people. Shinra starts building a reputation as an underground doctor, his skills enough to attract attention. Their lives become peaceful again, and a routine sets in like they’re married, though they’re not, but Shinra’s hoping to change that.

Celty from time to time accept his advances and they end up cuddling on the couch. She even cooks for him occasionally, and even though she gets the salt mixed up with the sugar, everything tastes like heaven. However, sometimes, Celty gets depressed, and rants about how she’ll never find her head. When that happens, all Shinra can offer is a hug and comforting words that she brushes off. She gets angry every time he even suggests that she’s perfect without her head and she should stop searching. He just smiles sadly, waiting for the day when she finds out.

That day comes in the form of night ten years later, when Shinra’s around 35 years old and being held by the front his shirt by her. She was making a delivery to this pharmaceutical company, one that Shinra was already familiar with. Upon arriving back in Japan, Shinra had immediately confronted his dad about the head, telling him that Celty was with him, that he needed to know where it was. His dad had acted shocked, feigning hurt that his son was betraying him. Shinra has scoffed and said he needed to know to keep it away from her, soon finding out that it was with one of his father’s subordinates in this new company that was just being established. Ever since then, he’s had many underground dealings with them, many of his clients coming from there.

Celty had stumbled upon pictures of her head when she was bringing her package inside the building, eventually learning of his involvement.

So here he was, knowing this day was coming when Celty told him that morning that she got a delivery to make to that specific company. Shinra had waved her off, telling her offhandedly that her head wasn’t important. Celty had been confused as to why Shinra would say that so suddenly, but now she knew. She’s holding him by the collar of his shirt and if she could shout, she would’ve because she’s too angry to write what she wants to say.

But it turns out that Celty didn’t need to say anything. Shinra starts, with a calm look on his face and a soft smile, saying exactly what she was thinking of saying.

“You’re probably thinking ‘How could you? How could you not tell me you knew where my head was? And just kept a secret instead! I may not be human, but you’re the real monster here. I trusted you!’ right?” Shinra’s correct, and it always surprised Celty when he is. She doesn’t move though, waiting for him to continue, and he does.

“What you don’t know, Celty, it that even though I know who had your head, I didn’t know the exact whereabouts of it,” Shinra says. “I’m not going to lie and say I would’ve if I knew though. I probably still wouldn’t have told you.”

Celty shakes him once, furious at the confession.

“So now you’re thinking ‘Why? Why not?’ right? Well that’s because I don’t want you to leave me,” He sighs heavily, breathe shaky. He slowly puts his hands over Celty’s on his shirt and squeezes firmly before continuing. “You know, the reason I know what you’re thinking is because I’ve spent every moment of my free time with you. I can read you like the back of my hand.”

Celty puts him down finally, and grabs her booklet, writing on an empty page her response. _I’m not going to leave you…when I find my head._

“Do you know if that’s what your head wants?” He asks, and she looks shocked, almost confused, but before she could answer, Shinra continues. “Your head and your body have different minds and your head could want you to leave. Or you could forget everything once you have your head back. I don’t know, but I can’t let you leave, I’m sorry; I love you too much to let you go.”

Celty tenses, her shadows coming out faster, and she can feel her skin start to tingle. She’s sure that if she was alive, her heart would be beating madly and would be straining against her ribcage. _You love me??!_

Shinra chuckles lightly, leaning in and wrapping his arms around her, enveloping her. “I’ve loved you for about 30 years now. You don’t need your head. You’re perfect and beautiful just the way you are now.”

_We’ve only know each other about a decade though._

Shinra gives out a resigned sigh. “Sit down, there’s some things I need to tell you.”

He ends up telling her about everything, about how she lost her head and how she ended up saving him instead of going to grab it. He tells her about what happened to her head afterwards. He tells her about how he spent 20 years thinking about her and wondering about her. He talks about his fears and how he can’t bear the thought of her leaving him. And when he’s done, a silence engulfs them. Celty sits stunned, several minutes passing by without her moving. She’s thinking about everything, the implications of all this.

 _Can I punch you?_ She asks.

“Sure, I don’t mind! We’ll punch each other—!” Shinra goes flying, the force of her fist knocking the air out of him as he lands hard against the window to the balcony. He’s surprised it didn’t break. “O-Ow, I probably deserved that,” he laughs out, getting up and dusting himself off, walking back towards Celty and stopping in front of her. “I guess it’s my turn now.”

She makes a motion as if closing her eyes and tensing, waiting for the blow to happen. But Shinra just slowly extends his arm, his fist knocking the hood and veil she was wearing, watching her shoulders relax in confusion. “Forget about your head. We’ll make new memories to make up for the lost ones. Please, stay with me.”

 _I... I understand… Ok, I will._ She agrees, and Shinra could feel his chest become heavier and lighter at the same time. It’s nighttime, yet the world looks so much brighter, or should he say darker, because now it’s going to filled with Celty even more.

“You know, those punches were like our first kiss,” Shinra notes, and the moment is destroyed and Celty jabs him in his stomach. He doesn’t mind though, no matter what she does to him, he’ll never mind.

Celty does stop looking, and now spends her free days with Shinra, lounging around and conversing with him. They travel, they read books together, they’re happy together. She feels loved for the first time in her life, and maybe it’s because of how much she’s interacted with humans the past years, but she loves him back.

They can’t get married though sadly, but Shinra says that those official documents don’t matter to him and never will. He gets on one knee and proposes 5 years later. The ring slips onto her finger perfectly and nods her neck swiftly with unbound joy. They hold a small ceremony and even though they were the only ones in this empty chapel, Celty’s dressed up in magnificent white and Shinra’s in a sophisticated black, their colors looking good on each other. There’s no priest, but Shinra says his vows and his promises and Celty says her, before they lean in to kiss. To Shinra it probably feels just smoke, but when he leans back, he’s smiling and crying.

He’s blubbering out how these are tears of joy and Celty ends up hugging him as they walk home. They live many years after that together. They watch the world change around them from the progression of technology.

However, the changing of people was saddest out of all of them. She can see it visibly in the wrinkles forming on Shinra’s face, in the way he’s out of breath sometimes, and in the way he gets tired more often than not. Celty hasn’t changed one bit, her life tied with beings above mortals, and she can feel her chest hurt seeing him getting older year by year.

Shinra eventually retires from being an underground doctor, claiming his eyesight and energy aren’t what they used to be. He ends up being a science teacher at Raijin Middle School, just so Celty isn’t the only one still paying the bills, just so he doesn’t become a burden.

He ends up meeting Orihara Izaya there, a peculiar student that was in his class, and they surprisingly grow close. It’s weird, that a teenager could become friends with someone over 70 years old. But they are. It started when Izaya introduced himself by saying he observing humans, prompting Shinra’s to ask Izaya if he wanted to stay behind after class to help him with clean up. He declined naturally, but Shinra didn’t give up.

He asks the day after that and then the day after that until one day Izaya asks, “Why don’t you ask any of the other students?”

“Because this is science class, more specifically biology, meaning it deals with living things.”

“And?” Izaya quirks up a single eyebrow.

“Humans are living things, are they not?”

A week later, Izaya finally accepts, after asking around the school about Shinra for information. They quickly grow close somehow. It was unusual, but their personalities clash well together. They shared stories and Izaya asked questions frequently, trying to be aloof, but Shinra could tell that it felt nice to have a friend.

What solidified this friendship though was when Shinra found out Izaya was gambling, and that a kid went into his classroom where Izaya waited for him to return from the bathroom, demanding his money back. Shinra thinks that if he were younger, he probably would’ve jumped in front of Izaya, but he’s old so instead all he could manage was to grab Nakura’s shoulder. He ends up handing the back of hand sliced. 

For some reason, Izaya’s been pretty close with him. It makes him feel young again, like he was meant to be friends with him.

He eventually migrates to Raijin high school, where he makes his other friend, a student named Heiwajima Shizuo. Shinra mostly befriended him due to seeing one of his fights and the use of his strength was extraordinary, inhuman.

He asks one day right before Shizuo leaves that if he would like to help him clean up. Izaya was probably coming from his class now to his room, science not being his last subject of the day. Shizuo just flinches and asks why, no doubt knowing that a teacher usually won’t ask a delinquent like him with blonde hair. Shinra just smiles and says, “If you help out, then you don’t have to fight as much. They’ll get tired waiting for you and just go home.”

Shizuo agrees and even though at first he didn’t get along with Izaya, always having small scuffles in his classroom, they eventually become friends the more they hung out. Shizuo stops getting into fights with Izaya’s sketchy help and even gets decent grades. And Izaya seems happier whenever he teases Shizuo. 

A strange feeling bubbles in Shinra’s chest one day as they all converse, a feeling that he was born in the wrong time period as they all joke around with each other. Izaya likes to say that despite being old, Shinra was actually really caught up to the modern times and accepting of change. He jokes that Shizuo is probably more traditional in his thinking that Shinra. 

Three years pass by relatively quickly and Shizuo and Izaya both graduate while Shinra finally retires for good that year, his health starting to dwindle a bit more quickly, Shizuo and Izaya frequently having to help him out. It was when they were carrying his things to the gate, where they meet Celty, dressed in a tight black suit and wearing a yellow cat helmet.

Shinra had frequently talked to Celty about his new friends, and how they got along really well despite their huge age difference, that they remind him of his younger eccentric days. He also frequently talked to Shizuo and Izaya about his wife, about how she’s perfect and beautiful. Izaya had teased and asked, “Is she as ancient as you?” And Shinra had smiled and said, “Nope! She’s more ancient than I’ll ever hope to be.” So staring at someone with a body that looked in her twenties, he can feel Shizuo and Izaya become even more confused as Shinra introduces them. 

“Celty, this is Shizuo and Izaya, and Shizuo and Izaya, this is my beloved wife, Celty!” 

“Shinra, she looks twenty! What the hell did you mean she was older than you?” Shizuo yells, shock evident in his voice. 

Celty types on her PDA, a gift Shinra got for her years ago when it first came out, and greets them. [It’s nice to meet you two finally. Shinra’s told me a lot about you guys.] 

“Apparently Shinra told us nothing about you though. There’s no way he met you in Ireland 60 years ago. I knew his ‘love story’ was far-fetched,” Izaya answers, skepticism heavy in his voice. “Unless you just look like you’re 20, but underneath that helmet is someone as old as Shinra. He said you were mute, but maybe it’s because you sound like an old lady and it would give away your young appearance if you talked.” 

“Oi! Izaya, that’s mean—” Shizuo starts but Shinra cuts him in with a cheery smile not suited for his old age.

“Nope! She’s mute because she’s headless!” And everyone falls silent, Shizuo and Izaya looking at him as if he’s gone bonkers with old age. Celty, however, jolts and quickly types out her confusion on why Shinra wasn’t keeping her identity a secret now.

[Shinra! What are you doing?!]

“Ah, don’t worry, my beloved, you can show them! They won’t scream, you can trust them,” he reassures.

[Are you sure?]

“Positive!” And so hesitantly she lifts up her visor, revealing only black smoke swirling around in them to Shizuo and Izaya, who indeed didn’t scream, but their eyes did go wide as their jaw slowly fell open. “You two promise to keep this a secret, ne?”

They frequently kept in contact after that, getting along with Celty just as well as they did with Shinra. Shizuo goes to college to major in literature while Izaya majors in computer science. However, Shizuo ends up becoming a debt collector when his middle school friend asks him, dressing in his bartender outfits that he got for his part time job while in college. Izaya goes to become an informant, going into the underground business. Shizuo disapproves though, but much to his chagrin, he also becomes Izaya’s bodyguard whenever he’s free to do so. Shinra laughs when they tell him this, chuckling as how much of an unforeseen outcome this is, but it suits them really well, like it was meant to happen this way.

Shizuo and Izaya grow busy, but they meet up whenever they can, their youth still ahead of them. However, Shinra’s only been getting older. His health started dropping and his coordination isn’t as good as it was before. He’ll feel tried from lazing around all day at home waiting for Celty to return and feels old every time he sees Celty looking just like she did when he was young.

Celty knows what’s coming, and she’s dreading it, refusing to talk about it whenever he tries to bring it up. She always looks sad, Shinra notes, and he feels terrible for worrying her so much, especially when he had to be admitted to the hospital when he tripped and fell and couldn’t get up again a week ago. Celty visits him whenever possible, Shinra isn’t sure how she’s allowed in, but Celty simply typed Izaya on her screen, and he only nodded understandingly.

On April 1st, Celty and him are going down memory lane and laughing and smiling at their happier days. Shinra feels sick to his stomach thinking about how he’s been dragging her down, someone who probably looks old and disgusting with his wrinkles and gray hair. Celty says that his looks don’t matter though, and Shinra wonders what he’s done to deserve her. It only saddens him more that know that he doesn’t have much time left.

On April 2nd, Shizuo and Izaya finally have free time to drop by to celebrate for the day. Shinra wonders how they can come in the morning when visiting hours are only in the afternoon, but Shizuo just looks over at Izaya with a deadpan face and Izaya just smirks. Shinra feels dumb for even asking, but he laughs. Celty comes with them and they all have food and presents.

They hang out the whole, talking, laughing about a variety of topics. They manage to stick 85 candles into his birthday cake surprisingly. Shinra couldn’t blow it all out though, so they all help him and blow it out. They ask about his wish and Shinra says it’s a secret. The presents end up being household items with a joke present thanks to Izaya. It was an anime figure of a girl in a leather suit that Izaya ripped the head off of. Celty jabs him in the side, embarrassed and horrified, and Izaya just laughs loudly. They all laugh, especially when Shinra says he loves it.

The hours pass and eventually the sun sets as they all continue to talk. Shinra grows quieter though, his lungs tired from all the cheer and joy, while everyone else still seems to have energy. The cake, which he only ate a bit of, was mostly consumed by Shizuo throughout the day. Actually most of the food was. Shinra still ends up only eating very little, everyone’s worried about him, but they don’t blame him, letting him rest as the moon rises into the sky.

Shinra thinks as the night dwindles on that it was fun. The memories were still clear in his head, and even the awful times were great. His life was great. Shinra laughs at that thought, the use of a past tense, but he guesses that this is the end.

He breathes out a heavy sigh as he blearily stares at the people in front of him. Celty’s talking to Shizuo and Izaya, using hand motions and being animate, something that she rarely is nowadays. Celty was young, technically she was centuries older than Shinra, but she will always be young. She’s immortal after all, and seeing her conversing so excitedly and laughing, Shinra thinks that yeah, he’s had a really privileged life. He really was selfish to keep Celty with him all these years, having her take care of him when his health began to decline.

He’ll miss Celty, but seeing her talking with Shizuo and Izaya, he believes she’ll continue to be happy, he believes she’ll be ok. Shinra wants to cry, but his tear ducts are too tired now, his body is too tired now, and tears shouldn’t be shed at such a happy revelation either.

He can hear the beep of the alarm clock signal that it’s the next day, April 3rd; the last request is now completed. It’s kind of funny, he doesn’t want to leave. He can feel his body screaming at him to not leave this scene, to stay with Celty, to stay with the others. Sometimes, he feels like he was born into the wrong time period. And now he feels, after finally entering the right era, he’s leaving too soon. 84 years suddenly seems too short.

Against his will, his body begins to go lax, if Shinra concentrates, he can hear the sound of his vitals starting to drop a little quicker than before, but it’s all becoming white noise to him now. He doesn’t even know what Shizuo and Izaya were talking about with Celty anymore. He’s breaking down.

His legs have gone numb and his fingers are losing feelings. Everything’s bleary and sounds so far away. He can still feel Celty react though; he can feel everyone react to his heartbeat suddenly dropping. There’s a cool hand against his cheek and he leans into and hums contently.

Celty’s typing something, he can see the foggy outline of the PDA, but the words are unclear, unreadable from his bad eyesight. And yet he still knows what she’s saying. She’s screaming, he can hear it, her voice, it’s screaming and yelling and pleading and Shinra wishes he can lift his hands to hold her and comfort her.

“No, no, no, NO! Shinra, no! Are you ok? No, please don’t leave. You’re vitals are dropping, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry!”

He hears it, it’s in his head and he always knew she would sound beautiful. Her voice is shrill, but he can tell it’s also caring and silky and melodious. Everything about her is so perfect. But his heart aches at the way her voice is breaking, sounding as if she’s crying. He thinks his mind is playing tricks on him in his last moments of life because if he closes his eyes, he can feel the sensation of liquid dripping onto his face, rolling down his cheeks and leaving behind wet streaks. But Celty has no eyes, Celty has no head, and the pain in his chest feels unbearable knowing that she can’t even shed tears when she wants to. He wonders if she feels horrible for not being able to cry for him, and he wants to tell her it’s ok though, because he can see that her shoulders are indeed shaking and that she is crying in her own way and that she shouldn’t be so sad.

“Celty, you have nothing to be sorry about…” Shinra starts, his voice is probably really quiet, really tired, he tries still. “I’m sorry for leaving so early… I’ve caused a lot of pain for you, haven’t I?”

“No, you haven’t! You’re not trouble! And don’t be sorry for leaving, please, you’re not going anywhere! The doctor will be here any minute now and you’ll be just fine!” Shinra hears, and sees barely that Celty is still typing like he’s been reading what it says.

He can hear Shizuo yelling too, it’s really loud and sounds really angry, and it suits him. He’s breaking through the white noise. “Oi, Shinra, stay with us, don’t close your eyes! Izaya went to get help!”

Shinra smiles; no doctor can help at this point. He felt it yesterday morning, the looming feeling of death, and he knows he has only a few minutes left.

“Shizuo…you were a really good friend… Take care of yourself more, ok? And everybody else too…” Shinra says, and he can hear Shizuo yelling, something about stop acting like these are his final words, but they are. He can see a blur of black, and Izaya’s back, followed by a group of white blobs. “Izaya…you were a good friend too… I’ll miss you all…” He can’t hear Izaya; he doesn’t think Izaya’s saying anything anyways; he looks frozen like he doesn’t know what to do. He supposes this could be counted as a loss of control on the situation.

Taking one last big breath of air—he can hear the doctor yelling at the nurses to get vials and the defibrillators, but he knows none of them will work already—he musters all his strength and lifts his hand up, Celty immediately grabs it.

“Celty, you’ve made my life perfect,” he smiles sadly. If he were to wish for something for all those candles, it would be more time with her, to repeat this life over and over maybe, because it means she will be there, or to be born again just a little bit earlier so he could meet everybody again. “I love you, Celty…”

“Shinra! I love you too! I love you too! Please don’t leave! I love you! You’ve made my life perfect too! I love you so much, Shinra!”

Ah, he can’t do that request, he doesn’t really want to leave either, but he’s mortal and that was the fate he had. The last thing he sees is Celty, holding his hand and squeezing firmly, and the fear seems a little less intimidating. He always wanted to know what was on the other side, and if it was nothing but black darkness, he thinks he’ll be fine with that. Because he loves that color and seeing it for eternity doesn’t sound so bad. 

Shinra’s grateful to her, he really is. He breathes out his last word to show it.

“Thank you.”

And then everything’s drenched in the color he loves just as he hoped.

He hears white noise that seems so distant now as his eyes adjust to the darkness. He’s wandering the storage area of the ship when he sees her, a woman wearing a dress as black as the night through the crack of the door to the room she was in. He can feel his heart pounding when she takes off her hood to reveal shadows in the space where he head should be. She looks enchanting, Shinra thought as he quickly ran all the way back up to his room on the ship to tell his dad that he just saw a headless woman.

He feels happy for some reason, any other four year old boy would probably be scared out of their mind, but he feels like the heavens above have granted a wish he never knew he made.

* * *

You taught me the courage of stars, before you left.  
How life, carries on endlessly, even after death.  
With shortness of breath, you explained, the infinite.  
How rare, and beautiful it is, to even exist.

**Author's Note:**

> The lyrics at the end are from "Sleeping at last" by Saturn, which inspired me to write this idea, and subsequently kill Shinra. Also originally, I was just going to write Shinra growing old and dying, but then I realized if Shinra's old then that means all the other characters are either old to, or dying, or already dead and Celty's the only one left and I couldn't bear that unbelievably sad thought so I just made Shinra the only one who dies via this AU. So all I really have to say is wow I'm so sorry for rushing it near the middle and the end... I had a whole month to write one fic for this event and I end up almost not finishing it, gg me, what great time management skills and ability to overcome writer's block. If you see any mistakes, just tell me and I'll fix it. Or if you want me to tag something. Also constructive criticism would be great! Thanks for reading.


End file.
